Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Free the Jackson 1…. Oh, they already have….

Whacko Jacko is: barmy, white, black, deluded, Diana Ross clone, mad, bad, sad, rad, a tad talented, innocent….

Hmmmm. Which of those boxes do you tick?

Maybe all of them? Probably not.

There’s no doubt about it, Jacko is a complex puzzle, wrapped in an ebony enigma, packaged in a white plastic bag.

He’s a middle-aged, cross-race, cross-gender, cross-wired man.

He’s 200 million dollars in debt – and he hasn’t had his invoice from his lawyers yet. (so make that 300 million in debt)

What’s left of his nose is slipping south, due to the melting point of wax being lower than the ambient Californian daytime temperature.

His relationships with women have been few and far between. Lisa Marie Presley was a passing trophy fad – and his second wife Debbie Rowe, appears to be little more than a convenient surrogate for his kids. Even their initial meeting was far from normal. He first met her in a hospital burns unit after he had been a bit too zealous slapping on the old skin whitening agent onto his scrotum. Result? 3rd degree burns to an intimate part of his body, wedding bells and a multimillion dollar pay off for Debbie.

So, after the trial and trib’ of the trial and fib, what’s Jacko going to do now?…..

Well, I don’t want anyone to panic, but the word on the streets is that the great man/boy/girl/saint/messiah is thinking of relocating to London, England.

I suggest you lock up your sons/daughters/plastic surgeons/scrotum burns specialists/and any blazers you may have with a coat of arms on the pocket. Jacko and his entourage are about to hit blighty.

Overheard on Richard ‘n’ Joody tonight…

The story: The conspiracy theory on the death of Princess Diana.

The guests: Two high powered ex Mi5 secret service people.

Joody: …"And to discuss whether Diana was killed by members of MFI, let me introduce to you our guests"….

I’m not surprised, it all makes sense now… those furniture flat pack instructions are just murder….