Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Art - boxing clever.......

Damien Hurst, doyen of the Brit-Art movement and ‘enfant-prat’ to the pretentious mod art appreciation society has just launched his latest slaughterhouse-centric show.

Box after box of cow heads, dead, pickled in formaldehyde and retailing for about half a million quid each, Damien certainly has delivered in the ‘shock-horror’ department.

"Half a million quid for THAT horror – Christ, what a shock".

The boy wonder really does know how to turn boxes of slop into chests full of wonga, but how will he continue with his shock horror portfolio? The law of diminishing returns means that year on year he will have to try and think of subjects even more shocking and horroring in the queasy tummy department. What will he be putting in his little formaldehyde boxes by 2010?

"I don’t know about you Julia, but putting a horse’s willie in a box is so passe"

"I know Ptolomy, horses willies were really big 2 years ago – but this is 2010".......

So what would ‘shock’ in 7 years time? I reckon a pair of Bernard Manning’s used baggy white underpants would do it for me. Damien could also attach little sick bags to the side of the box in case the viewing public had a ‘hughie’ moment.

"God, it’s awful. Quite, quite awful – in fact, it’s worse than offal.
I think one is going to puke"

A new art ‘movement’ is born…….

Monday, September 08, 2003

'PC' show hits the road. An occasional series, gleaned from the newspapers. This one was in the Daily Mail and is all about someone confusing a wretched disease of the male nether regions with a traditional English dish ......

The Gloucestershire NHS Trust and Tesco announced that after three years 'Spotted Dick' was back on the menu. In 1999 the two groups changed the name of the traditional English pudding to 'Spotted Richard', after claims that folk were embarrassed to ask for it by name. A Tesco spokesman said: "Our shoppers are more than happy with Spotted Dick".

Alfie note - "Are those people barking?"
Alfie response to Alfie note. "Yes"