Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Four men in a tub – the Chelsea of division 2….
...of the Ormskirk quiz league to be precise. This season, instead of being the usual journeymen of the division, assuming a sort of ‘Manchester City’ position, we’re as rampant as a rampant lion, rampaging away at the top of a steeply inclined ramp - in Rampton. And believe me – that’s rampant!

An initial draw and then 8 straight wins on the bounce have ensured that ‘Team Tubsters’ are miles and miles ahead of everyone else.

What’s more, we’re not just beating teams, we’re thrashing them, crushing them, blitzkrieging them. We don’t have a billionaire backer, a Russian oligarch or a rich American in a Stetson bankrolling us. We don’t have a gobby Portuguese managing us either - we don’t need anyone to gee us up, we just go out there and win! And if you don’t believe me, check this out. Being unbeatable has its perks. 'Respect' for a start..... We haven't got any groupies yet, but there's always hope, we've noticed the odd lady bar-fly giving our well honed team the old once over (strange, but it never seems to graduate to the old 'twice-over')... Who knows, in a month or two, we could have a whole groupage of Tubsterettes' in tow ........ ladees, form a queue.

Last night was the best. Our adversaries? Old Hall –our bogey team. We’ve never beaten them, ever. They’ve always managed to intimidate us with various underhand tactics, it’s fair to say, they are our least favoured team. Usually, we have the game, a couple of pints, some butties, then a friendly – but most of all we’re supposed to have a laugh….. but not with Old Hall. They just don’t seem to have a sense of humour - it's all angst and fretting and moan,moan, moaning with the Old Hall crew…. Anyway, back to last night’s game, we came, we played, we battered them. Our opponents? Vanquished to the country of bitter and twistedness. We tried (but not very hard) to act all magnanimous in victory – and only punch the air out of our opponent’s eye-shot.

So why have we all of a sudden discovered a grey matter streak, a nugget of knowledge and a seam of nelly-knowalliness? Our team is the same – and has been for a few years now. There are five of us – from which we perm a team of four. Maybe it’s because we’ve changed pubs. We now play in The Ship at Lathom, known to the locals as the ‘Blood Tub’ due to violent and habitual fighting between bargees there in the late 19th Century. So that’s where our name ‘Four Men in a Tub’ comes from….

Anyway, whatever the reason is, it’s working – if we carry on with the winning streak we’ll get into Division 1 next season. And that will mean we’ll play some very clever people indeed.

And if we do, we’ll come up against ‘Old Dog’ – the team currently second in the top tier. Within their ranks is Pat Gibson, a gentleman Irishman, now living in Wigan and recent winner of a million quid from ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ and last week, the winner of the Grand Final of BBC’s ‘Mastermind’

We can’t wait to play against them. Pat, mate, start to get worried, ‘Team-Tubster’ are after your scalp.

Pat Gibson, man of Wigan looking worried at the imminent contest with Alfie and the rest of the Tubsters