Friday, February 06, 2004

Buzz, buzz, buzzy bee........

Great gobs of sweat, I'm busy. I'm just too busy to even think of a simile as to just how busy I actually am.

I'm up the wall, round the bend and knocking on the door of 'Ulcerdom' busy. And believe me, that's busy! Being busy, is better than being torpid I suppose, except when I'm actually in a state of torpor, then it's just fine. But what 'busy-ness' type am I today?

There's the "I'm so busy, I'm disappearing up my own jacksie and achieving not a lot". Busy.

Or alternatively, the "I'm so busy, Why can't everyone just sod off and leave me alone to get on with my blog". Busy.

Or how about the "I'm so busy, I can't cope. I'm off to join the Foreign Legion". Busy.

And finally, "I'm so busy, that by tonight I will have trousered enough cash today to buy that deluxe villa at Marbella and fabulous two tone 'SunSeeker' motor launch". Busy.

I'll leave it to you to decide which category applies.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Can I have a packet of Old English Spangles please, and what have you got for a penny change?"....

Want to find out what happened to 'Spangles', 'Texan Bar' 'Bliss' 'Pacers' and all the other filling lifters of the '50 and '60's onwards? Then log on this virtual boiled sweet world of a web site. It started from nothing and now has big kids by the thousands peering over its well stocked counter to buy. Excellent!
  • a quarter of...

  • Looking at it suddenly transported me back to 'The Candy Box', our local sweety shop of the early '60's. It's where I left most of my tooth enamel - and is the prime reason why I have very strong neck muscles (supporting all the metal in my teeth).

    Main reason for this? I was a 'Spearmint Chew' junkie. I was addicted to its pink and sticky bendiness. Mmm, I can still remember the 'hit' as that sugar Oh Dee hit my brain and assaulted my molars......

    Tuesday, February 03, 2004

    Self fulfilling prophesy…..

    Rampant inebriate, Georgie Best is not a happy bunny. He reckons the reason he got stopped last Friday for drink driving, wasn’t because he was over twice the legal limit, or his bad driving. No, it was more to do with his distinctive personalised number plate.

    P155 ART15T

    I see what he means….

    New tactics…..

    I reckon, if there are any Weps o’ Mass Destrux in Iraq they should employ some new tactics in finding them…
    I suggest a game. Blindfold a weapons inspector and get Saddam out of jail.

    As Jonny Weapons Finder is aimlessly stumbling around, Saddam can shout out "Colder"….. "Getting warmer"……"Scorching" And the ultimate "Absolutely boiling!!" (delivered in a very high voice)…

    And if there’s no co-operation from Saddam, then he’ll get no party bag at going home time …..


    Do they still have ‘Cubs’ – the kindergarten for Scouts? Thumb and little pinky clasped together, leaving the three remaining fingers shooting skyward. Reciting, like extras from ‘Children of the Damned’ "Dibb, dibb, dobb…. I prom miss to do my du tee, blah, blah, blah" Did I really do that, say that? Am I dreaming?

    What does ‘Dibb, Dibb, Dobb’ mean anyway? Have I ever ‘dibbled’ or ‘dobbled’? I’ve certainly ‘dribbled’ – usually after a few scoops…

    I found my old set of badges the other day, fan-bloody-tastic
    I have a badge for ‘Drawing’, a badge for ‘Ironing’ a badge for ‘Observation’ and one for ‘field-craft’ …. And one that I think meant I was a really decent chap. 'Yes, you are a really decent chap and all round good egg, well done', badge.

    We had ‘Ar-kay-lar’ for our Cub meets. (Is that how you spell it?) She was nice, she looked like Olive Oil. We occasionally shared the church hall with the Scouts. Their leader was ‘Skip’ He was ok, but he had immensely sweaty armpits. His khaki shirt was always two-tone. In the Summer, the tide was in. But in the Winter, the tide was out – leaving two monster white salt marks around his shirt.

    Over the weeks, ‘Skip’ and ‘Ar-kay-lar’ got more and more friendly. They would be seen disappearing into the tent room to try out some new knot work, possibly….. Anyway, ‘Ar-kay-lar’ had to leave. She’d obviously been doing some field work – or possibly a bit of dibbing and dobbing with ‘Skip’. He’d shown her some new techniques on keeping warm and conserving body heat. She got a new badge on ‘Bun making’…..

    Monday, February 02, 2004

    Incompetents ‘R’ us……..

    A survey has been released today. Its conclusions are quite startling – apparently, 2.4 million people in Britain today are bloody useless at their job. These no talent wasters are so bad that the rest of us have to subsidise their mistakes and bad judgement through extra costs and inferior services….

    I reckon we should start a list, outing all incompetents for the absolute waste of space they are. I’ll get the ball rolling ….

    1) Tony Blair
    2) John Prescott
    3) David Blunkett
    4) Posh Spice

    Hmmmm, I appear to be 2,399,996 short…..