Friday, September 09, 2005

Wow, the Weblog Review, reviews Alfred the OK.

My new pal, Parker from Weblog Review HQ ran his reviewing rule over the A the OK back catalogue. He described my blog as 'lite' with 'flowery' prose. Parker describes me as being 'prolific' - which will certainly surprise Mrs OK.

'Lite and flowery'........ let's just digest that for a while. I'm a 17 stone beardy man, 6'3" tall with size 14 feet. I'm about as lite and flowery as Fungus the Bogeyman……

Mind you, when I originally sent the site in for review, Harold Wilson was Prime Minister, Starsky and Hutch had just started on the telly, my voice was still unbroken and I was wearing short trousers…...

Parker scored me as a 4.75, which I'm quite pleased about, I think.

Son number 3 has just got a job at a new Tesco superstore. Along with the training manuals ‘Packing Bags the Tesco Way’ and ‘Grabbing your Customer by the Tescos’ - he’s been given his brand new uniform. It is mostly made of nylon and is a real electrostatic fire hazard. The colours are fanciful – the shirt is a mix of powder blue, brooklyn blue and a bog standard blue hue. The trousers are a subtle mix of black, bible black and coal-hole black. They also have a sort of mega rigid crease hammered into them, as does the non-trendy blue-check mix shirt.

We made him dress up in all his finery so we could have a look. He wasn’t too pleased. He didn’t like the kit at all…. He started to froth at the mouth and babble. "What if my mates saw me"…. They don't do hoody versions - which is gay! This colour – it’s so gay! – In fact the whole shirt is gay and so are the trousers…. GAY!"
It’s all so GAY, the job’s GAY, this house is GAY, you two are so GAY!!!!"

Which was a bit of a shock really. I mean, I’ve only just got used to the word ‘gay’ meaning homosexual – and now, it appears to have changed. When I was a kid, ‘gay’ meant happy – as in "I feel so gay, today"….

And now ‘gay’ means bad, naff, old fashioned….

I can hardly keep up.
Tom torment…..

Serving suggestion

I planted the seed, staggered over several weeks. Thus ensuring a regular and manageable supply of ripe, red, organic fruits.

To make absolutely sure of a constant supply, I planted some earlies, some mediums and some late fruiting varieties.

To make absolutely, absolutely, abso-bloody-lutely certain, I planted some of the little beauties in the green house and some in pots down the sunny side of the garden…..

Oh yes, it was going to be one long Summer of Tomato heaven and no mistake.

I did everything you’re supposed to do with tomatoes, soil not too wet, not too dry. Feeding liberally and often, taking out the side shoots, taking off the bottom leaves stringing them up with canes using ever more Heath Robinson inspired scaffolding…

Well I’ve waited and waited right through the long hot Summer, waiting for the green to go red, like a traffic light in reverse.

I’d planned for an orderly queue of green’uns to red’uns, well I sort of got one, but not an orderly queue of a couple of months. No, my orderly queue of green to red has happened in just a span of one week.

I’ve got tons of them. Tons and tons and tons of red beauties. So in our house at the mo’ it’s toms with everything….
Sugarpuffs and toms, custard and toms, Special Brew and toms with added toms….. The kids hate them, the cats aren’t too fond of them either, but they’re just too good to waste…

I don’t know, you wait all Summer for one big red tomato to come along and then surprise surprise, several thousand arrive all at the same time.