Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Butterflies are back….

Up till Sunday morning, I, along with most of the nature loving population of the UK wondered where all the butterflies had gone this year. The buddleia plants in our garden are traditional butterfly food beacons, which in previous years has been choc-a-block full with vibrant lepidoptera of all colours, shapes and hues. At the moment, the plants are festooned full of magnificent aromatic blooms – but they look a bit like decorated Christmas trees without the fairy lights. The glittering twinklings of Peacock and Painted Lady wings have just not been present this year.

A bit of a shock then when I strolled out on the OK sod on this last bright, warm Sunday morning.

They’re back. Hundreds of them.
Correction, thousands of them.
Painted Ladies, Red Admirals, Large Whites, Brimstones, Peacocks, Brown Skippers, Commas, Common Blues…..

The air was full to bursting, fluttering here and there. The great conical flowers of the buddleia were sagging under the weight of bunteresque butterflies feeding for all they were worth.

They looked like multi-coloured kites pulled by invisible pixies with invisible strings. It lifted my spirits, Ralph Vaughan Williams and his fluttery lark ascending music came into my head…. My little piece of England was whole again.

I was puzzled though. If they’re all here today, then where were they yesterday and the day before that?

Monday, August 08, 2005

Getting better with age, just like a good malt….

A survey has just published some useful, ego boosting findings. Apparently men in their fifties make the very best lurvers – ever.

Of course they do for God’s sake. It's something I've always known – I’m always telling my missus…… Technique, stamina, touch, style, sensitivity and consideration – us big five–0 guys tick all the right lurve-God boxes and no mistake. Yes for us guys in our fifties, it’s not so much ‘wham, bamm, thank you ma'am. Oh no, it’s Barry White on the CD, the scent of jasmine in the air and a bottle of massage oil to hand. Slow, silky, sexy and flexy in the temple of love-action is the norm for us experts in the bedroom.

It’s not so much 'fore' as five, six and sevenplay…

Ladeez, form an orderly queue – I’ll be with you as soon as I’ve finished my beer and this footy match is over on the telly…… And you don't mind if I wear my socks in bed as well do you?