Friday, September 30, 2005

Ding dong merrily on high….

Just two weeks after the English cricket team’s Ashes win, I was walking through a West Lancashire village. There, just in the window of a furniture store I espied the first Christmas decorations of the coming season. It was September 25th - a full 3 months before the big day proper…..

These sparkly jaspers, tastefully mixing LED blink-blink technology with old fashioned twink-twink fairy lightery, combined to infuse the passer-by with a veritable tide of mid winter yule-tideryness….. (If you see what I mean)...

If you listen carefully, very, very carefully, you might just be able to hear Santa and his trusty reindeers slapping on their shades and whacking in the sun factor 16 onto Rudolf’s big red nose as we all bake in the unseasonally hot weather……

Anyway, seeing the lights has inspired me. I’ll say it before anyone else does…….. Merry Christmas everybody!!!!!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Bollocks to Blair…..

A young lady, one Charlotte Denis, has been arrested for daring to wear a T-shirt with the words ‘Bollocks to Blair’ on it. Before you could say "Nazi Police State", she was banged up by a carefully selected team of p.c., p.c. plod.

The fuzz deemed the Tee-shirt absolutely obscene – a one legged, non smoking, black transvestite lesbian police vegan spokesperson said that they just couldn’t tolerate the brazen and gratuitous use of such a disgusting word within a small community.

"The Chief Constable decided to take action after the wanton and shameless display of this almost pornographic message." P.C. Davinia Dobson continued "I mean, we had no objections to the ‘bollocks’ and the ‘to’ bit ….. But ‘Blair’? I mean how sick can you get?"…..