Monday, June 13, 2005

Conspiracy theory from the greyscale man’s recent transport initiative…..

Seems a bit funny, don’t it?
Repressed Transport Secretary and the greyest man in the country, Alistair Darling suddenly goes a bit ‘left field’, a bit expansive, a bit lateral in a dull and wholly ill thought through kind of way …

The Darling of dullness has initiated a brand new system for the road vehicles of blighty. Gone(ish) are the punitive road taxes, gone(ish) are the outrageously expensive petrol taxes….. Instead we’re going to have ‘PTTN-AYG’…which is short for ‘Pay Through The Nose - As You Go’.

The more you go, the more you pay. A bit draconian I think.
I don’t know about you, but it all seems a bit rushed, a bit ‘back o’ the fag packet’ - written in the Noo-Laber tradition against a battered and fed up nation.

In fact, if you ask me, something smells rotten in the state of Nomark.

I reckon Darling’s been to the Moon set in Hollywood to get inspiration for the biggest conspiracy theory this country has ever known. Jiggery pokery is definitely at work on the British public, courtesy of the monotone greyscale man and his acolytes.

The theory: A boffin has invented a car that runs on grass, or pigeon poo, or privet cuttings… something that’s cheap, readily available and more importantly impossible to control by HMG. The boffin reckons he can roll this out to market in about 8 years time……

"Yes dear, I’m just going to fill her up. I’ll get the lawn mower. See! …. HMG control totally buggered. How do you collect revenue duties from a bloke’s flymo?

You can just see the panic emanating from Gordon Brown’s fiscal fissures. Quick, control’s gone, invent summat else – like now!

"I know, what about ‘Pay as You Go?"……

"Oh Darling, that's brilliant".

"Oh Gordon, I didn’t know you cared"……

The parentage of Gordon Brown…..

Talking about Gordon Brown….. I know a man who knew Gordon’s dad. He was a man of Kirkcaldy and a fan of Raith Rovers. Gordon’s dad went to school with my very old mate, Bill Mac’…..

Bill told me all about our esteemed Chancellor about 5 years ago, in a Glasgow wine bar.

"Oh really, what was Gordon Brown’s dad’s name then?"

"Ebeneezer" came the reply……

‘Ebeneezer’ That sort of works I suppose. Is it Gaelic for ‘Tight-fisted sod’?….. Maybe his name could have been ‘Gullible’ or ‘Soft-touch’…

I wondered whether his mum’s name was ‘Prudence’?…….

Overheard on the radio…..

Apparently, dogs have owners, but cats have ‘staff’…
I concur.

Seen on the extremely fine David Dimbleby programme about the English landscape…..

That superb church in Norfolk I was going on about a couple of posts ago…. It was on the box last night - did you see it?

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