Monday, January 30, 2006

Bring a brick....

Always ready to help in a crisis, 'Alfie the helpy sort of guy' has decided to step up to the plate and offer his not inconsiderable back garden to the nation….. (For a Saturday afternoon at least).

Apparently, the Chief Executive of ace footy stadium building company, ‘Multiplex’ (motto – ‘Honestly, it’ll be ready by 3:00pm on Saturday afternoon, almost definitely, possibly, maybe’) is making noises that the new Wembley Stadium might not be ready for this year’s FA Cup Final after all. Rumour has it he’s asking the footy loving public to get over to the ground double-quick and make sure they bring a brick each with them….. a sort of ‘bring a bottle party’ – but without the bottle…..

Clouds are gathering at Wembley
– however contractors are confident they’ll
be finished in time for the 2012 Olympics

Oh bugger. That’s a bit of a problem then. The FA are not happy, not happy at all. There they are, TV contracts signed, two footy teams waiting to go head to head – and nowhere to play the game…. Looks like another sojourn to the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff then. Not necessarily….

Thankfully, and in respect to our national game, this Englishman is willing to go the extra mile in order to make sure the English FA Cup Final takes place – in England. I’m willing to open the rolling acres of Alfie Towers and let the silky skills of the Premiership’s finest perform body swerves galore.

Here at ‘Okaybley’, I’ve got all the essential footy stadium accoutrements to make sure 90 minutes of sinew-busting mayhem pass off with all the bravura that a classic English occasion deserves….. (Just as long as they go easy around the greenhouse, which will now be known as ‘Punditry Corner’). I’ve got grass, mostly green, mostly tufty (except the muddy area by the pond). Super comfy couches for the toffs (and standing room only on the garden furniture for the chavs). Queen Betty and the rest of the Royal entourage will have to make do sitting on the kids’ garden trampoline. There, suspended at a dizzy height of 36 inches, they’ll have a truly spectacular panoramic view of the whole garden complex.

So that’s it then, there’s the offer. Just one thing though, there’s the goal post problem and I’m one jumper down, anyone want to play skins?