Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Stating the bleedin’ obvious…….

Tube strike in ‘The Smoke’ today. A London Transport spokesman said "I advise workers to walk to work, because the buses are all going to be full".

That’s the trouble with Government spokespeople – no bloody imagination whatsoever. Where’s the left field thinking? – doesn’t anyone in power read any of Edward de Bono’s stuff?

Maybe they could ‘space hop’ to work. Or handstand, perhaps? Cart-wheeling could be quite creative – and giving not very nimble people piggy back rides could be pretty profitable. Just get a meter riveted to your head, stick a ‘No Smoking’ sign to your bum and you’re off. But remember, don’t take anyone with a snotty nose or obvious weight problem. ‘Light is alright, heavy is "Do me a favour, luv - there's a bus following in a minute - honest"

Or you could go the vengeful route. Round up a striking tube train driver, whack a bridle on him, don some very, very sharp pointy spurs - and ride him apace down Regents Street – Lone Ranger fashion. Only problem is, you’ll probably arrive just this side of Christmas.

Real creative thinking however may have been to avoid the strike at all costs. Or failing that, laying on a few extra buses or coaches and relaxing the congestion charge to cope with the rush…….. Nah, maybe not, The Ministry of the Bleeding Obvious will never take on board such radical ideas.

My advice to all you Larnderners though is to just throw a sickie – and watch day-time TV instead. I hear Dale Winton is on at 9.30 this morning, then there’s Fern and Phil and Richard and Carol after lunch ……. Pure, pure quality.