Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Application of the mind ….….

Last Sunday morning, Head gently throbbing, stomach on the spin cycle, I patiently wait my turn for my drug of choice at Safeway Chemist shop. The woman in front is collecting a prescription. She’s nervous and twitchy. The pharmacist gives her an emergency bag of stuff, to see her through to the Monday – when she can get a really big, bumper big pack.

Chemist queues are great places aren’t they? – I long for the day when the nervous, spotty youth hands over a packet of jonnies along with a bottle of Lucozade and a fiver – only for the very loud assistant to shout to the chemist …"Mr Jones, how much are these Durex Supa-Snug – Extra Sensitives?"

Anyway, back to the furtive drama unfolding in front of me.

Miss nervy twitcher looks into the bag and seems a bit confused.

"There’s no applicator" she whispered.

The pharmacist looked at her in surprise

"They’re suppositories – they don’t come with an applicator."

"I’m sure they used to have to have an applicator."

"No Madam, they’ve never had an applicator."

"Well, what do I use for an applicator then?"

It was a bit like that old joke about the fishmonger and the customer who will not be told that there is no haddock.... He takes his customer onto a spelling lesson, eventually arriving at the last question "Now, take the letter 'F' out of the word HADDOCK".

"But there is no 'F' in Haddock"

"Precisely Madam"...

Back to the Pharmacist - "You know......... you use your own 'applicator'

"I don't think I have one do I?"

"Yes you do - you have 10 of them"
With that, the pharmacist holds up her middle finger right in front of the customer’s face and drives it skyward.

Bit much, I thought… she was only asking. Mental note to me, don’t ask a fed up Pharmacist who would rather be somewhere else on a fine Sunday morning, bloody stupid questions ….