Monday, May 10, 2004

Oh God, George is an ex tortoise…..

Ace Blue Peter anchor reptile, ‘George the Tortoise’ is dead. It looks like the lettuce addiction has finally taken its toll as ‘Gee-luvee’ (as he is known to the rest of the cast) failed to make rehearsals this morning.

Time of death has been put at somewhere between last night and last year. Frantic efforts were being made this morning to find a replacement, but for tonight’s show ‘Hans’ - a WW2 German helmet will be drafted in. "I am zo exzited, this ist mein big shance to break into und big time"….

The ‘How to make’ feature has been changed. This evening, Blue Peter will show you how to make a quality brush and comb set. All you need is some sticky backed plastic, a Sqeezy bottle and some tortoise shell……

Eamonn Holmes – utter plonker….

Eamonn Holmes – GMTV anchorman, National Lottery front man and newspaper feature writer (God, doesn’t he ever sleep?) produced a real pearl of wisdom on Sunday. His ‘People’ newspaper article focused on misunderstood uber prat, Leslie Grantham. Eamonn seemed to say that good old Les had just made a bit of an error of judgement.

I quote from Eamonn’s celeb grovelling piece – "His private pursuits may be distasteful, but I don't think he's a bad man. His wife obviously doesn't think he's a bad man and neither do many of the folk who've worked, met and socialised with him".......

Good old Les, a bit of a rogue, a bit of a Jack the Lad, a little bit Wrrrrrrr, coz he's a geezer, but basically, as Eamonn says 'a good man'........

Apart from the fact, he's a cold blooded killer, who shot a taxi driver in the back of the head rather than pay the fare - nice. But that's all right isn't it - because good old Les is a bit misunderstood and probably didn't mean to kill him, just maim him possibly - as any 'geezer' would do.

Yeah, right.