Saturday, January 31, 2004

The ‘RogueNationStatometer is twitching again ….....

"Prime Minister, I’ve only just gone and bloody well found another one. I Alfie, the sexing up weapons inspector has uncovered another viper’s nest for you and your loyal brother in arms to sort out".

"Get me The President – it looks like another job for ‘The Righteous Brothers’ – Alfie, is there a phone booth handy so I can do a quick change? I also need to don my ‘Most serious and extra grave’ expression for this ‘VideoPhone’ call. So I’ll need extra" ….

"Botox injections? I’ve already anticipated that scenario. The needle and tray is on your desk. Meanwhile, I’ll put the call through"….

"Hi George, Tony here…… Tony Blair…..

"Toaneee Blaugg? Do I know you, Toaneee Blaugg?"

"Yes, yes yes. You know me, I’m ‘Four square, Tony Blair’ You know, Prime Minister of the UK. Faithful friend to the USA in their fight against international terrorism….. You know, I’m known as ‘The Rev’?"

"Ohhh, sure! Sorry Tone. Had a senior moment there. What can I do for you?"

"MI6 have given me a ‘new file’ on a new Country…"

"A new Country?"

"Exactly. Absolutely brimming with Dubbya Emm Deees"

"But how ‘sexy’ is it?"

"It’s as sexy as ‘Jordan’ – and I’m not talking about the Middle Eastern country".

"Hubba, hubba is it as ‘stacked’ as Jordan?

"Well yes, obviously – but I would prefer to say it was very much ‘stacked’ in our favour"

"Tone, that’s what I like to hear. Hot diggiddi, looks like ‘hammer time’ again"

"Damn right, Dubbya – it must be true, I’m coming over all self righteous again"

"Well that settles it, Tone. Send over the checklist on the ‘RighteousFax’

"F. A. B. Georgie boy"

"Good jaab Tony. Hmmmm, interesting……..

Anti Democratic, and Anti West check list

1) Muslim Country Check

2) Military Dictator Check

3) Backed by junta Check

4) Violently seized power Check

5) Undemocratic Check

6) Suppression of political parties Check

7) Weapons of Mass Destruction Check

8) ‘In the field’ testing of WMDs’ Check

9) Unstable Check

10) Violent clashes with neighbouring Countries Check

11) Guerrilla and terrorist training camps Check

"Hello Tony, God damn, it’s dynamite!
Gotta move baby! - To the Self Righteous War Cabinet!"

"Dubbya, wait! Don’t you want to find out just who it is?"

"Well, they have huge reserves of oil, right? – Otherwise, what’s the point of invade…. Liberating them?".

‘I say to you George, - to get rid of the dictator and the WMDs’ – obviously".

"Well OK Tony, what Goddam Country is it".

"Pakistan, it’s Pakistan, Dubbya"

"Pakistan! Ya stooopid limey bastard. Pakistan and ‘The General’ are loyal allies in our fight against those terrorist folks Tony – don’t you know nuttin?"…..

"But George, what about democracy?"

"Geez, Tony baby. Don’t you get it? Not all totalitarian states are our enemies".

"They’re not?" Well, when are they not our enemies?

"When they’re our friends, Tony. When they’re our friends…


"Condeleeza, Condeleeeeezzza, get me Premeeer Sheerack on the ‘phone – and get me someone who can speak Franccish – we need to find ourselves a nooo ally to replace this stoopid limey asshole"…..

No comments: