Friday, March 10, 2006

Have – haven’t. Number 1…..
an occasional series

Stuff I’ve never eaten….

1).Veal – too cruel. A ritual too far for a supposed delicacy.

2).Lobster – much too cruel. Left alone, they live for 80 years plus.

3).Frog’s legs – Bizarre choice of food – I mean, why not ‘frog’s eyebrows’?

4).My own bogeys – the mere thought of it bring me out in cold sweat. I just could never understand why kids at school did that.

5).Dog – oh no! It would be like eating a member of the family.

6).Bullocks testicles – don’t even go there.

7).Ostrich – You’d need a bloody massive cooker to get it in.

8).Pig’s trotters – pass me the sick bag.

9).Whale – I have enough blubber of my own.

10).My hat – fortunately, I can bluff stuff out a lot.

Stuff I have eaten – (but wish I hadn’t)…..

1).Rissole and Bluebottle surprise – my once favourite dish, until I saw half eaten blue bottle on a half eaten rissole on my dinner plate. The other half of it was already in my stomach.

2).Daffodil flowers – a drunken bet, I ate them, then someone told me they were poisonous. What fun we had outside the pub trying to get me to throw up.

3).Humble pie – all too frequently on my menu I’m afraid.

4).Human hair – no comment.

5).A caterpillar and cabbage sandwich mistake – so there I am, shoving a bit forkful of organic Savoy into my mouth…. "Hmmm, this cabbage is really juicy"…..

6).Big Mac (with fries, shake and sick bag) congealiality in a polystyrene box.

7).2 extra large Mars bar Easter eggs (consecutively) – you know that scene in ‘Cool Hand Luke’ where Paul Newman eats 50 hard boiled eggs…..

8).Oysters – sliding, sliding, always sliding down. A passable impression of semi-solid Vaseline…

9).A wasp – playing in a footy match, swearing at the ref’ a vespa flew straight into my mouth. I felt it buzzing inside – and frightened the stripey chap would sting me at the back of my throat, I started to chomp. It was either him or me – and a squirt of wasp juice in my mouth confirmed it was him.

10).Tripe – like chewing a bag of 50 year-old rubber bands.


Red Fred said...

jeeze, and I thought school food was the worst ever - white rubber fish pie, gloopy stewed apples pie, macaroni sick pud, and things swimming in stew.....see I was mistaken, yep.

Kenny said...

Oh Alfie. Some of these things are great. I'm baffled by the wasp logic but oysters are divine, tripe is great (subject to pepper and vinegar), lobster is incredible, pigs' trotters are passable.

I agree on the rest though. But humble pie tastes worse than rhubarb.

Your opinion on snails would be interesting.

Laura said...

Snails, yum yum! And lobster, to die for ~ both ymmmmmmmy :)

Uh, as you say bogeys and we say buggers...Uh. No.

St Jude said...

There's nothing wrong with a good bogey, just like sushi, only smaller.

The Crafty Cruiser said...

In my non veggie days I once tried a whelk. They're like a bullworker for jaws. Three weeks chewing and there wasn't a mark on it.

Jennytc said...

I wish I hadn't read this as I was having breakfast!

Anonymous said...

#2 caused me to spit my coffee at the computer screen. Larks with friends at pubs...what fun!

Gavin Corder said...

Liar! I ate Clive of India's tortoise!

Cherrypie said...

I'm traumatised by the wasp!

Elephunt said...

I ate a Wasp once,much like Alfred it was him or me.As I recall it had a very bitter taste,a sort of defense mechanism against being eaten, I assume.

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