Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Do's and dont's.....

When moving office, installing a new broadband line, buying a router and a shedload of wireless peripherals, it is most important to follow the installation instructions ‘to the letter’ especially as the entire stable of computery are AppleMacs of varying ages and operating systems.

When receiving the top secret ‘Username’ and ‘Password’ over the phone from the provider, it is most important that extra special care is taken to write it down correctly. Because, as everybody knows, an incorrectly written down password will mean days of frustration, a completely buggered up weekend, a few box files becoming airborne and GBH to a computer mouse.

When ringing the provider up on a snowy Monday morning, it’s important to stay cool, calm and collected, even when you’ve been hanging on for hours and hours, pressing buttons till your fingers bleed and listening to menu instructions till your brain fries. It’s especially important when going over the username and password, letter by letter, number by number, upper case by lower case – because, as the user manual says, ’It’s vital to type in the correct username and password’. - Because if you don’t, then the system will never, ever get up and running.

And it didn’t, no matter how hard I tried..

When talking to the person at the trouble shooting office of the provider, it’s important that all the ticks, all the boxes and all the typed instructions are correct and checked. I have, they are. But still it won’t bloody work.

It is also mostimportant that you do not say "Oh f*cking hell, what d’yer mean "Sorry, that lower case ‘ell’ should be an upper case ‘eye’. Do you know how many f*cking hours I’ve spent twiddling with the settings on this installation screen – and all the while you’ve been giving me the wrong f*cking password, you f*cking moron!"

When you have been extremely pissed off – and pissed upon, it is most important to vent the glottal, exercise the spleen and exorcise the pent up frustration of dealing with jobsworth divvies – and thus helping to avoid a heart attack or commit homicide, don't you think?.....


Mike said...

Ouch, that old chestnut.

The other one to cause confusion is the letter 'O' and a zero; 0.

Anonymous said...


Ever heard of the phonetic alphabet?

A for Alpha, P for Papa, so on, so forth.

Upper case D for delta, lower case t for tango..

Very useful for this sort of thing.

Alfie said...

the problem was, the lady at the other end gave me pass word - she consistently read it out to me - wrongly....... and guess what, it's down again this morning.......

Laura said...

Especially if you are talking to someone in say...Inda.

Anonymous said...

You have my deepest sympathies.

I had a similar problem when I first set-up an internet connection back in 1997. BT Internet gave me a ridiculously convoluted password - about 18 characters long, including 0 and O plus 1, I and l.

Bloody annoying, but not worth a coronary!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I couldn't help with the topic, but I may be able to help with Christmas!

How bout getting an iPod or XBox 360 for cheap before christmas from freebies4everyone

Over £10 million worth of gifts have been sent over the past year!

All the best, Dorean

David said...

Bit like trying to set up our wonderful JVC DVD recorder using the helpfully provided instruction book.

Red Fred said...

I think that everyone who gets a new pc, should be offered counselling; and a medical check up, and a little rubber ball to bounce off the wall....that's just for stage 1, yep.

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