Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A foot in mouth moment…….

The scene: A family celebration at my Mother in Law’s house….

The action: I’m trying to open a big bottle of bubbly, with a stubborn….very stubborn cork. It’s stuck in the neck tighter than the one in a duck’s bum – the one that stops it sinking…

The inertia: It aint bloody moving. No matter how much I huff, puff and chuff.

The embarrassment: Some 7 stone woman offers to do it for me, stating that "It’s all a matter of timing and gentle pressure."

The triumph: Saxon brute force and ignorance triumphs again over another French conspiracy. The cork is actually moving. The gathered crowd of middle aged friends and family begin to cheer ……. Possibly ironically.

The ‘champagne’ moment: The cork flew out, so did the bubbly. I’m knackered, breathless and sweaty due to the exertions of going 10 rounds with a big bottle of fizz. The champers gushes all over the place I scream, right in the face of my 75 year old Mother in Law – "Oh yeah, baby…. It’s a coming!"

I need to ring Sigmund Freud. I think I just had a ‘70’s porn moment…….