Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Vote, vote, vote!

Unless you’ve been holidaying on Saturn for the past 3 months, you’ll no doubt be aware that an incredibly important peoples vote is imminent.

A vote, that if it goes the wrong way will have far reaching ramifications for this Country – and the way it is perceived by the rest of the world.

Kerry or Bush? No, much more important than them.

I’m talking about the North East Regional Referendum – as concocted by John Prescott and his Ministry of the Absurd. If a vote ‘for’ the proposition is carried then the area from Darlington up to Berwick will become one big ‘Super County’ – and yet another talking shop for Politicians coming in at the ‘talent’ equivalent of the Beazer Homes Footy League, Division 2.

Cue expense accounts, cue gold plated pensions, cue life peerages….. Oh, and cue a brand new spanking Regional Assembly Building with regulation ‘thinking pods’, mermaids in Koi pools and Busby Berkeley Musicals staged every lunch hour for the entertainment of the one Regional Assembly Member that bothers to turn up.

Prescott has helpfully deemed it ‘OK’ that the good folk of the North East should pay for this pumped up Parish Council through their Community Charge. If this proposition is passed, these no power non-entities will only have control for about 3% of the total budget as already allocated to the North East through Central Government.

Celebrities, wheeled in to bolster the flagging and increasingly desperate Government ‘Yes’ Campaign previously known as ‘Geordies’ or ‘Maccams’ are now telling us that they’ve always been proud to call themselves ‘North Easterners’…… Well, ‘always’ since about a week ago….

Don’t get me wrong, I too want political reform in this Country. I see Westminster and its enormous amount of freeloaders as being less and less relevant to me. The only answer is to have an English Parliament – with at least the same levels of power as has the Scottish Parliament… Mind you, if that did happen, what do you think the Westminster crowd would do? Probably fill in even more expense forms…..

I’m fairly confident, the latest attempt to break up England into bite sized Euro bits is doomed to failure. I expect and fervently hope for a ‘NO’ vote – and that Prescott will be defeated and possibly sacked….
Why am I confident? The people of the North East are far too intelligent to be fooled by a Jag’-driving bloater.

Talking about intelligent electorates – did anyone see that depressing programme on Channel 4 last night, about the targeting of American voters by the two Presidential candidates and their clacks.

The watchwords were ‘simple messaging’ and ‘rubbishing’ by each camp. Because they are both after similarly thick and impressionable people the TV ads amount to nothing more that playground insults …. ‘In 1983, John Kerry farted in public – and blamed it on an old blind lady in a wheel chair with a kitten on her lap and a Bible in her hand.. What you have to ask yourself is 'Can you really trust this man to run the Country?"

"George W Bush is a cretinous asshole - period... "

To illustrate how cerebrally challenged these people were, our intrepid man from Blighty whipped out a world map, randomly stopped people on a city street and asked them were different Continents and Countries were…..

Well now I know, ‘Africa’ is now where Asia is. Afghanistan is where Russia used to be, the Middle East is in central Africa, ‘Eyerack’ is over by North Korea……. And Great Britain? Well, Great Britain is a mixture of blank stares and somewhere near Capetown, South Africa apparently…..
Our man didn't bother to ask them where the North East of England was......

Maybe the land of the free, should become the land of reading the geography book - and possibly realise that they are not the only people in this world.

You just couldn’t make it up….