Tuesday, August 03, 2004

A mistake, obviously…..

This morning, beloved Alfreda gathered my post, then thoughtfully opened it, then started to giggle like a schoolgirl.

I fall for it hook line and sinker.

"What you laughing at?"

"It’s better you don’t see it"
She proceeds to theatrically stuff the letter inside her pocket.

Cue playful royster – doystering of the let me have that bloody letter or I’ll break your legs in several places variety.

I win. I’ve got the crumpled letter in my hand.
She’s won. She’s let me get the letter.

I read.
She laughs.

The day I’ve been dreading has finally arrived.

Alfie the young turk, the dude, the ‘cool hand Luke’ is crestfallen.
Alfie – he of the six pack that’s only slightly buried under a 25 year old beer gut is suddenly feeling his age.
Alfie – still full of hair that only occasionally requires a bit of touching up with Grecian 2000 has just suddenly gone a whiter shade of pale……..

I’ve reached that certain age – and they know it. That certain age were they think I’ve suddenly flopped into sensible shoes, tweedy jackets, M&S jockey jobs and grey holidays…..

It’s a SAGA promo offering me "Peace of mind car insurance for just 75p a week"

"Peace of mind?"

‘Alfie the still mad, bad and dangerous to know’ is not a happy bunny. Alfie is still a guy that likes to walk on the wild side. Is still a guy that gives a middle finger to The Establishment and is not afraid to do a bit of cock snooking to anyone that fancies a bit.

I feel a snotty email coming on – delivered straight into the vacillating heart of SAGA CORP….

I’ll just get comfy in my finest easy-comf armchair , a nice cup of tea, a favourite old cardy and my best pair of slippers to ease my aching feet. ‘Alfie the vengeful’ is tooled up and ready to write!