Monday, November 03, 2003

The Big Apple – and we’re not talking Granny Smith’s…..

During the last week, I’ve been as busy as a busy bee at a buzz, buzz, buzzy bee convention….

Today ‘Rick’ from New York gave me a ring.

"Hiiiiyyyyyyaaaaa! – Is that the M.D. of the Company?"

"It is" – I reply.

"My name is Rick. I’m talking to you from Wall Street in Nooooo York City, and I want to make you richer – a lot richer than you already are!"

"Great – but I’m a bit busy at the moment – like a bee…. So.."

"Sure!" says Rick. "Sir I do deals, and when I get a sniff of a great deal, I like to share it with my clients. Successful clients – like yourself"


"Sure, we made a fortune this Summer – in Plastics!


"Sure! – Sir, can I ask you what your current portfolio value is at the moment….. Is it above a million or above five million?"

"Hmmmmm – let me think"…. I leave Rick stewing on regulo 5 whilst I meander, mumbling through these imaginary stocks and those imaginary bonds. "Yeah, mumble, mumble, Consolidated Condos’, French Letter Corp, CrapCo….."

"Well Rick, it looks like my portfolio stands at around eight million"

Rick’s gob is well smacked. "Eight million!…… – that’s some portfolio"

"Yeah Rick, it used to be over fifteen, but those muthas in French Letter Corp have blown me out…."

"Sir, can we act on your behalf in the American markets? We’ll get it back up to fifteen – and beyond!!!"

"Hmmmm, lemme think about that Rick - bud. I’ll get my people to talk to your people, yadder, yadder, yadder – and all like that - and everything"….

I shout across the room ….. "Hey asshole, I ordered pastrami on my Goddamm, Goddamm rye. And where’s my Soda with extra triple banana squishy? Geez Rick, I’m employing 'assholes anonymous' in this Goddamm place. Look Rick baby, there’s Tokyo on the other line. Ipso - gotta go, I’ll get back to ya – probably"

"Sir, it would be an honour"

"No problemo Rick, baby ……ciao".

No comments: