Friday, August 22, 2003

I didn’t know that ……..

I didn’t know that big ‘G’ – (God) was a fan of that fantastically technical event – ‘The triple jump’.

Well he is! Jonathan Edwards, World and Olympic Champion says so. Apparently ‘God’ said to Jonathan - and I paraphrase from his ‘shock’ news conference, where he announced his ‘shock’ retirement – "God wants me to retire, I am in great shape, but God has said ENOUGH ALREADY, so that’s it, a fantastically lucrative career in religious broadcasting beckons".

Just imagine, God toiling away doing the bizz for 6 days, all the time thinking "I must create a really great sport …… something to remind me of ‘The Son, The Father and The Holy Ghost……… something with a ‘3’ in it, hmmmmm".

"Lordy! I’ve got it – 3 pin bowling!"

I didn’t know that ……

70’s advertising techniques were still in use – until I saw the 118 – 118 moustachioed David Bedford lookalikes prancing around on my screen. I half expected the ‘Shake and Vac’ lady to make an appearance.

It’s nice to know they are really thinking about us though. In order to make a scouser, geordie, or brummy more easily understood they are utilising call centres in India and The Philippines to service our directory enquiries……… Obviously nothing to do with saving a ton of cash and exploiting desperate people in third world Countries then.

I didn’t know that ………

British train company executives were as thick as the thickest members of the Thick family from the most retarded area of the Planet ‘Dense’.

How else do you explain all the helpful maintenance work on the network over the busiest three days of the year?

On second thoughts, that isn’t true, I really DID know they were that thick.

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