Wednesday, March 09, 2005

A new word for my lexicon…..

And that word is ‘Astrakhan’…
That’s a nice word.
Sounds good.
Interesting – in a mysterious kind of way.
Sort of ‘exotic far eastern’
But what could ‘Astrakhan’ mean?

Well, for all you fashionistas out there,
Astrakhan is a type of highly prized pelt,
It’s very fine, very smooth – like crushed velvet.
It’s worn by slinky 7 foot tall, pencil thin models.

Gurus of the fashion world, with their balding heads,
Tied back greying pony tails, fawning underlings, thick black dark glasses and kissy-kissy greetings, insist that Astrakhan is a must have for their clients.

Victoria Beckham, Madonna, J-Lo, Colleen McCollough and every other new money chav will surely rejoice.
The Silver Fox and Coyote skin-mix body warmers were looking just a bit passé, just a bit ‘last week’, just a bit worn in…..

And anyway, Astrakhan goes a lot better with neon yellow chav jump suits, and Rabbit-skin moon boots.
It sets off designer shopping bags a treat.
And is worn by people who know the price of stuff,
But not the cost.

So just what is this wonder stuff called Astrakhan?
How is it so soft to the touch – so fine, so smooth?
Well Astrakhan is a sort of brand name for ‘Lambs foetus skin’
Astrakhan farmers, cut the throats of pregnant sheep, slit open their wombs and pull out the soon-to-be born living lamb.
And skin it.
Voila – Astrakhan!

Astrakhan – Farmed by butchers, fashioned by cretins, worn by morons, funded by a craven celeb’ culture.

5 comments:

Birdman said...

I hope the turds who wear them catch something really nasty off them and die really painfully.

Roger B. said...

Is there nothing that celebs won't wear to look fashionable?

Let's start a trend for wearing clothes made out of tripe.

Bugsy said...

Worn by 'those' that our children have been brainwashed into thinking are somehow special .. seems that everything is money related these days, including fame, glamour, sport and cruelty .. where did all the decent people go?

Alan said...

Did you know that the person most likely to have been Jack the Ripper (seen entering the final victims room with her shortly before she was killed) wore a coat with an astrakhan collar.

So the celebs are in good company!

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