Olympic notebook…..

Janet and Jonny Junkets…….

Question: How many BBC commentators does it take to present the Olympic Games Programmes direct from Athens?

Answer: Lots and lots and lots and lots of them. So many, in fact that there’s no one left to change the blown light bulb in the Gents bogs at Broadcasting House in London.

And the first prize for the most banal question (so far) goes to…….

Sharon Davies at the Olympic swimming pool to Britain’s Steven Parry after he’d just won a bronze medal in the 100 metres Butterfly…..

"Well Steven, it looks like your tactics on the race worked out then?"

"Well obviously, Sharon, I thought I’d not ‘Go for Gold’…. ‘Going for Bronze’ just seems to have more of a savoir faire ring to it. I mean ‘Gold’ is so vulgar isn’t it? So Bling, Bling, so American don’t you think?

"Don’t you think Bronze’ is so this season?"….

Most ‘cheatingest’ Nation…..

Well, lots of nations to choose from here, but on balance I reckon it’s got to go to China.

Quite apart from the outrageous gamesmanship during the final of the Badminton Mixed Doubles. Moaning, carping and winning…… Have you seen the Chinese woman in the ‘Ladees’ Weight Lifting…. Good God Almighty, as sexy as a bag of nutty slack that’s let itself go a bit….

The Germans run them a close second though. I was made up when Alfreda told me they’d been kicked out of the Gold Medal position in the 3-day Equestrian.

"We’ve got the Silver, coz Germany have been disqualified"

"What for - invading Poland?…..

Most amateurish Nation….

Well that’s easy – it’s us, isn’t it? We take the Corinthian ideal to whole new depths of crapness. Big team, big National Lottery backing – and a measly couple of bronzes in the bag to show for it…. And the BBC going on and on, repeat after repeat ad nausiem – filling wall to wall Olympic Specials.

The Greeks show us how to……

Make a decent ‘Diana Fountain’ and find a proper use for it. Yes, have you seen their ‘circle of water’ bloody awesome – and no kids paddling in it either! No, no, the Greeks have stuck a load of butch canoeists to paddle up and down on it.