For and against….

During my time away last week, my veg’ has suffered a bit and the stuff in the greenhouse is looking a bit stringy – time to give it some TLC – and retrieve some of that verdant hueage. There’s only one thing that will revive the toms, courgettes, rocket, spinach and fennel – pelletised chicken manure. Nothing finer than stuff out of hens bums for giving your sad plants a kick up the jacksy – it’s nature’s very own ‘red bull’… chuck it around the base of the plant, stand back and wait for the fireworks – simple. Whilst chicken manure is fab for plants – it’s rubbish for your sex life. For some reason, Mrs A has a bit of a problem with me having my hands wrist-deep in chicken shit - then later wanting to getting all frisky……

So there you have it, should I carry on with my plant fertilisation programme thus guaranteeing a bumper show and crop – and if I do, it will surely kaibosh any chance of humpy rumpy pumpy with the Missus – at least until the end of the growing season. Or should I chuck the toms on the compost and buy from Tescos, with my nice clean hands, thus reinstating my non tantric, super-frantic, groping sex life? ……

Fruit and veg’ or meat and two veg’?