BBBRRRRR

OK, ‘got everything, I think! I’ll just run through the list….

Mega - tog sleeping bag. check

Kendal mint cake (polar icecap quality as endorsed by Chris Bonnington). check

Nanook of the North anorak with specially incorporated blubber membrane. check

Swiss Army penknife with ice axe attachment. check

Red Army Surplus furry hat made from lots of dead Russian furry things. check

‘The Call of the Wild’ by Jack London – to get me in the mood. check

Snow shoes, made from one old squash racquet and….. nothing else – I’ll just have to hop. check

Entire collection of ‘Ray Mears’ survival techniques’ videos (I always knew these would come in handy). check

Scissors – to cut off the perma-frozen snot globules from my moustache and beard. check

'Everest' double glazing - obviously. check

Yep, that’s it, I can take whatever the North wind is going to throw down at me, So come on you great big gay polar bear, bring it on down, I’m ready!