Antiques Roadshow eye candy....

OK, did you see me? Last Sunday night on the telly – the Antiques Roadshow from glorious Southport. There I was, stood in a queue to nowhere with the family jewels in my hand, third hot and sweaty loser from the right, just behind the woman having her huge chest expertly examined by the show’s huge chest expert.

I just knew I’d be on – standing around for hours on end, basting gently on regulo 7 in a hall stuffed to the rafters with people, loads of tat, some proper good stuff, Michael Aspel and his faithful crew of make up wizards and those hot, hot TV lights ….

My face really was that orange - and yes, I really wasstanding in a pool of sweat the size of Lake Windermere….