Friday, June 30, 2006

Back crack, sack – and feeling sick….

In an uncommonly brave bit of "childbirth can’t be that painful can it?" banter between me and Mrs A – I was sort of well and truly lead up the garden path and done up like a kipper (metaphorically speaking). Inevitably, being a mere man and not really understanding where the conversation was going, I failed to see the 'Testosterone Gambit' being engineered in front of my eyes. The discussion on pain ended with a very rash bet between myself and my better half, I somewhat foolishly committed myself to a bit of body waxing. Well, not really. It’s actually quite a lot of body waxing (I've got a really big arse) – in very sensitive and personal areas. To be precise, for some amazing and totally bizarre reason, I’ve decided to have what is commonly called a ‘back, crack and sack’…..

Well, it can’t be that painful, can it?

Can it?

I comforted myself by believing I would get it done in our local Waxing Emporium (wherever that is) – the delicate procedure being performed by a stunningly good looking young laydee….. Hmmmm, pleasure-painnnnnnnnnn.

Unfortunately, that bubble has been burst – my missus is going to do the backing, cracking and the sacking. She’s never done anything like this before – and has hardly ever done any waxing of her own legs. She’s always used ‘Desperate Dan’s patent Brillo Pads’ in the past.

She’s advised me to find a substantial piece of English Oak to bite on whilst she does the stuff.

I feel sick.

I’ll keep you posted. Hopefully, I will still be able to walk afterwards, even if it's only on all fours – and I’m going to hide the digital camera – to stop her taking compromising photos and posting them on www.fathubbylardyarses.com

9 comments:

FERNANDO said...

I visited your blog

Jennyta said...

Don't want to worry you, Alphie, but childbirth, should you ever have been able to experience it, would be a doddle in comparison! ;)

Red_Fred said...

Oh Alfie..how could you fall for that one? Your better half, is not going to let you be waxed by some lovely bit of stuff.
Two, you have let yourself in for a pain factor, of around....20 out of....20.
Yep.

christine said...

That's the best thing I've heard all week !!!!!!!!

you'll never cope

Kate said...

Waxing ouch! I agree with the comment about childbrith being a doddle in comparison. I'd rather give birth to triplets than attempt to have my legs waxed again.

Damian said...

It's time to find your local gay waxing salon - because from what I hear about the back, sack and crack, you REALLY want to have an experienced waxer. No, REALLY!

Oh, and every Cosmo girl knows that you should exfoliate thoroughly beforehand. They said it's to stop your skin going all red and inflamed, but I suspect it's just to aclimatise yourself to the pain.

Good luck.

Oh, and moisturise afterwards. I'd get the missus to lend a hand there - it might be fun.

Snoop said...

Why? It'll only be dead itchy when it all starts to grow back.

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