Have – haven’t. Number 1…..
an occasional series

Stuff I’ve never eaten….

1).Veal – too cruel. A ritual too far for a supposed delicacy.

2).Lobster – much too cruel. Left alone, they live for 80 years plus.

3).Frog’s legs – Bizarre choice of food – I mean, why not ‘frog’s eyebrows’?

4).My own bogeys – the mere thought of it bring me out in cold sweat. I just could never understand why kids at school did that.

5).Dog – oh no! It would be like eating a member of the family.

6).Bullocks testicles – don’t even go there.

7).Ostrich – You’d need a bloody massive cooker to get it in.

8).Pig’s trotters – pass me the sick bag.

9).Whale – I have enough blubber of my own.

10).My hat – fortunately, I can bluff stuff out a lot.


Stuff I have eaten – (but wish I hadn’t)…..

1).Rissole and Bluebottle surprise – my once favourite dish, until I saw half eaten blue bottle on a half eaten rissole on my dinner plate. The other half of it was already in my stomach.

2).Daffodil flowers – a drunken bet, I ate them, then someone told me they were poisonous. What fun we had outside the pub trying to get me to throw up.

3).Humble pie – all too frequently on my menu I’m afraid.

4).Human hair – no comment.

5).A caterpillar and cabbage sandwich mistake – so there I am, shoving a bit forkful of organic Savoy into my mouth…. "Hmmm, this cabbage is really juicy"…..

6).Big Mac (with fries, shake and sick bag) congealiality in a polystyrene box.

7).2 extra large Mars bar Easter eggs (consecutively) – you know that scene in ‘Cool Hand Luke’ where Paul Newman eats 50 hard boiled eggs…..

8).Oysters – sliding, sliding, always sliding down. A passable impression of semi-solid Vaseline…

9).A wasp – playing in a footy match, swearing at the ref’ a vespa flew straight into my mouth. I felt it buzzing inside – and frightened the stripey chap would sting me at the back of my throat, I started to chomp. It was either him or me – and a squirt of wasp juice in my mouth confirmed it was him.

10).Tripe – like chewing a bag of 50 year-old rubber bands.