Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Welcome to Thrush TV….
(it’s bloody irritating)

Over the Christmas holiday, was it my imagination or were there more than enough irritations on the box than usual?

It was relentless, aside from the crap standard of the programmes dumb-down TV offered us as a supposedly quality Christmas schedule, it was the adverts, the same rubbishy adverts, repeated over and over again that really did send me into such a seasonal gloom….. Sofas, hampers, more sofas, crap music compilations, still more sofas….. and M&S…

Oh yes, M&S, was in a whole different league of irritability.

"This is not a quality advert.
It is the most irritating, condescending, load of pretentious old rubbish from a has-been-saggy shop, right down on its uppers.

This is an M&S advert, so desperate to sell you stuff that we’ll throw in some exotic words, sexy close up photography and a really annoyingly, whispering Dervla Kirwen voice-over – which surely proves that everyone has their price"…


And, as if that wasn’t enough, some tosser in the ad’ agency ‘Blag, Wag and Nobrail’ thought it would be a really great idea to shove on one of my favourite schoolboy anthems –‘Albatross’ by Fleetwood Mac as the backing track.

"This is not good, it’s a bloody disgrace"….

And then, there was the most hyped music album of the season. Every other advert seemed to be flogging an album by a man who is apparently the most fantastic singer-songwriter to come out of the British Army since Lord Baden-Powell. Apparently, B.P. wrote such classics as the rap version of ‘Dib-Dib-Dob ya Bitch’ - the traditional old favourite, ‘Ging Gang your Gooolies" and the rather risque, 'Can I wiggle your woggle, Skip?'.

Oh yes. Laydees and Gentlemen, James Blunt has left the Armoured Personnel Carrier and entered the album charts. Bloody hell, they’re flogging him like he’s the new Bob Dylan or something… The trouble with that song, that bloody awful whining song, is that once it gets into your head, it’s there for the entire duration. That tragi-falsetto-castrato, warbling away between your ears, scratching away at your brain cells, killing you softly with his screeching…

"You’re beautifulllllllllllll,
You’re beautifullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll,
It’s terrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue’….


No doubt about it – it’s as painful as nails down the blackboard or an industrial accident involving a lump hammer, a very sharp chisel and an unprotected pair of testicles….

And yes, it’s right there innit, in your brain - and you can’t get rid of it, over and over again …….
It’s terrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue’….

(Just be glad I haven’t gone on about the SCS sofa sale adverts hosted by ex Spandau Ballet quiff boy, Martin Kemp)…

15 comments:

krip said...

Just when I think I've binned it from my brain, the missus starts playing it again.
Aarrgghh!!!

Jennyta said...

Sofa adverts! Interspersed with kitchen adverts. I had to forcibly restrain Keith from chucking the television through the window!

Roger B. said...

I predict a riot if I hear the bloody Kaiser Chiefs again!

Kenny said...

Kaiser Chiefs, Killers, JB, Keane, Franz Ferdinand...the list is endless. They are all the same people. The early part of the 21st century will be musically remembered like the eighties and nineties; a void.

I do wonder though, to your other point, what percentage of the population are looking for a new kitchen at any given point in time. Is there a peak around Christmas? Are the margins on kitchens really good enough to spend so many advertizing dollars? I suppose my interest can be extrapolated to my fascintation with the number of bed shops in any given square mile of the Northwest...I demand some analysis that justifies the real estate consumed by home furnishing stores.

"Alice" said...

You mean there's a sale on sofas going on?

Andrew ( a Brit in Paris) said...

For those of you that HAVEN'T see this yet, I think it sums up this post perfectly! http://webferret.search.com/click?wf,+%2Bspoof+%2Bjames+%2Bblunt,,eclectech.co.uk%2Fgullible.php,,altavista

Red_Fred said...

That M & S advert meant stuff-all to me, it took several viewings before I twigged that it was our Marks and Sparks, and their grungy clothes - I then wasted some brain power on why a weird bunch of stick insects were grinning at each other in a fairly vacant manner.
As for the whining J Blunt...don't let me start on that one.

Son of Groucho said...

Those Marks & Spencer adverts are really irritating, aren't they?

Alan Saunders said...

The M&S adverts have got my 10 year old son wanting to listen to Albatross. Mind you, both kids take the piss out of them - they describe all the meals they get in the same gushing terms.

Who's James Blunt?

Red_Fred said...

Alfred the pretty good - Happy New ta you as well; got so hacked off by M & S gushing, and the J Blunt's whining, I fergot me manners.

funbundle said...

Hi, as I live in germany I don't get any of the bad ads from U.K but none of the good programms either. German T.V is mostly crap, not just at Christmas, so be happy you get good progs atall! There are other good aspects of living here though. Have a great T.V year, the next ad. boo-ing will be easter.

Anonymous said...

I have a problem with James Blunt's lyrics. They're badly thought through. As in:

"But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan...[followed by] I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do." [not much of a plan, then?]

"And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be...[followed by] We've had our doubts but now we're fine." [Obviously not.]

jamal said...

correct. alot of rubbish is usualy shown.

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