Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Tony Blair – jammiest man in history, official.

Is he in league with the devil or what? Is one of his middle names ‘Beelzebub, or does he own a four-leaf clover farm? Maybe, along with the jam, he’s covered head to toe in the finest teflonic armour, with an accompanying sporran made from rabbit’s feet just for good measure.

It‘s as if he’s got a pact with Old Non-Stick Nick himself. Teflon Tony is flourishing. He’s just as lucky as the luckiest man in ….. Hang on a mo’ – that’s not quite right is it? There is some bad luck in Tony world isn’t there? He’s married to ‘the mad woman’. So, not so lucky in his domestic life then – but politics? As jammy as the guy with a jammy dodger fetish I reckon. Whenever our glorious Leader appears to be falling into the brown and pungent, he pops up – like a cork in a sewerage farm, without a stain on his ego or odour on his character.

"Tony, what is that God awful smell?"

"Oh that. Looks like John Prescott’s been using the Prime Ministerial toilet again, Cherie"….

Don’t you just hate it? Don’t you just hate that smirky smirk on his slimy boat? How does he always seem to get away with it?

Take this last week, lucky ‘Lionel’ Blair, kicks off by basking in the reflected glory of Live8, rubbing shoulders with Sir Bob, Bono, The Edge and Richard Curtis (I don’t know, do you reckon any of these Superstars own any nice holiday villas?) Then just as quickly he's off, over to Singapore to help bring home the Olympic bacon for 2012…..

Sorry - Tone can’t stay to milk the applause, or blag his latest exotic freebee holiday. He’s got an appointment in Scotland to make African poverty history, sort the climate change challenge… And - if he’s got time after Supper, to dismantle the World’s trade protectionist cartels…..

Tony Blair seems to be able to give a Georgie Best body swerve to potential disaster, or by saying "It was him, not me" a lot. Similarly, he has a real gift to leech onto the beautiful, the brave, the successful, the intelligent …. Oh, and not forgetting the money grabbing, self obsessive, narcissistic Beckhams.

"Who’s that talking to Tony Blair, our glorious omnipotent Leader?"
"Oh him, that’s Jesus of Nazareth trying to get an introduction to Saint Bob and Bono… and a few guitar lessons from The Edge"…..

On second thoughts that would never happen would it, Jesus doesn’t own a sexy beach side villa in Barbados does he?……

10 comments:

Tony Cima said...

Alfie, I will never forgive Blair for our part in Iraq. Never. However, he is at least saying the right things at G8 and in Europe. And he certainly knows how to piss off the French (to the amusement of most of ut).

"Alice" said...

Just like our last president...as in Clinton.

Shooting Parrots said...

I don't know. If TB walked across the Thames to parliament, the Daily Mail headline would be "Blair Can't Swim."

Laura said...

Brilliant! Best comment award goes to shooting parrots

Shooting Parrots said...

Oh, gosh Ms Jones!

Mike Cunningham said...

Same as when the Afrikaner rescued the little black girl from the jaws of the lion by beating the lion on the head with his fist, then jumped up over the fence with the girl in his arms!

New York Times headline stated:-"Vicious apartheid believer's attack on black girl's pet!"

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