Thursday, March 03, 2005

The people versus Alan Milburn…..

Most politicians get right up my thrupenny bits.
A select few qualify for a blindfold, a cigarette and nice white wall. And then there are the ones that defy the imagination – despots all, morally bankrupt to a man – and woman. It’s not too hard to find them - Blair, Dubbya, Thatcher, Mandelson and Prescott come to mind. There are however, quite a few knocking on the door of this ‘Club Noir Politick’ - and fifties quiff boy, Alan Milburn, geordie bosom buddy to the Rev’ Blair and no-talent ‘organiser’ of all things ‘Governmental’ is first in the queue.

I really do not like this guy. A man who jacked in his Cabinet post not 18 months ago supposedly because he wanted to spend more time with his young family is back in the political maelstrom – presumably because his kids have all sufficiently grown up now they’ve reached their nearly nines.

More likely Milburn has been lured back to the corridors of connivance by promises of a shed full of power and a mountain of cash by the right Royal Rev’ himself. Milburn has been awarded the ‘Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster’ and a salary-package of one hundred and thirty grand a year plus a ton of perks. Well I come from Lancashire – and I haven’t seen much of Milburn’s handiwork to justify the wad.

I rang his office to find exactly what being a Chancellor of a County actually entails. The creep on the other end of the line rather condescendingly told me that Chancellors of Lancaster don’t actually do any ‘chancelling’ in Lancashire – or anywhere else for that matter. Apparently, it’s just a way of getting no-talent, brown nosed toady mates back into positions of power.

Milburn’s raison d’être seems to be to get Labour returned to Governance – at the cost of a 130 grand salary courtesy of our taxes. We, the people are funding this guy for one job for the Country (whatever that is) – whilst he is doing another one for the Labour Party – full time!

’Alfie, the man in the white suit’ has decided to make this man’s life an utter misery. ‘Alfie the vengeful, make my day – I know what you’re thinking you punk’ has written a caustic letter to Sir Philip Mawer, The Commissioner for Standards at the Palace of Westminster, demanding that Milburn be forced to repay the salary drawn under a bogus job description.

Sir Phil’ wrote back to me. Words to the effect ……
"Dear Alfie, all aquiver with righteous indignation, I’m afraid there’s bugger all I can do for you sonny. It’s a right old stitch-up and no mistake, matey boy. You needs to take it up with his Boss – His Imperial Praetorian, Emperor Tonius Blairium-Caesar, Lord of all he invades"……..

So that’s it then.
Alfie’s got to go straight ‘to the top’ and do battle with ‘the dark one’.

Straight to the main man, the big banana, the head-honcho, the top ‘tater, the only 'honest-john' in town….. the great Blairzebub.

I just need to get some holy water, garlic and a very sharp wooden stake….

22 comments:

Son of Groucho said...

Absolutely spot on Alfie! I can't stand the condescending little shit either. The very sound of his voice gets my hackles up!

Kenny said...

Alfie-man...I discovered today that you are on the main line twixt here and Liverpool (probably only about ten minutes by train) so I propose we meet up for a pint at some point (when I get back from Portugal.) Drop me an email to andy@NOSPAM.yatescentral.com to arrange said debauchery.

Tony Cima said...

Alfie, If I were to get a dog; I'm not because I can't stand the smelly slobbering things. But if I were, I would call it Alfie.

Go get 'em boy.

stuart said...

Thing is, unless you happen to live in Sedgefield, you cannot crave an audience with His Holiness, you have to write to your own MP, and if he/she/it happens to be a NuLabour luvvie (like mine is), then you're sh*t out of luck in this great system they laughingly call "democracy"...
Good luck!

Mike said...

Well my ward is so democratic under New Labour that the retiring MP is to be replaced by one of 4 women. In the interests of democracy not one man was allowed to be put forward to compete for the vacant post of Labour candidate. Why? because New Labour want more women in Westminster. Now I'm not against women getting to positions of power.. What I am agains is discrimination in any form, including the so called positive discrimination that is being operated here. New Labour will not be getting my vote. Not that it will matter a jot where I live. The girocheck brigade will continue to follow the party that keeps them in shell suits and Sky TV.

Anonymous said...

OMG you didn't! SO NOT TRUE, BITCH.

Anonymous said...

...that technophobe Tony has yet to teach me the finer points of the medium. But please. I do plenty of Chancelling.

http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/alan_milburn_mp/

Anonymous said...

I totally disagree, i've known Alan for years and he's good decent bloke, as you don't know him atall your NOT in a position to say these things.

alfie said...

I just knew Mr Milburn's Mum would leave a comment.

Also, the days are long gone when words such as 'decent' and 'good' can be used when describing a politician.

'Vain', 'arrogant', 'facile', 'talentless', 'mendacious' will do instead.

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry your wrong and as he don't know him personally, how dare you even try to judge him?

your talking complete rubbish!!!

alfie said...

Dear me. Another member of the Alan Milburn fan club writes in - that's the entire membership taken part then.

And I'd have a bit more respect from Mr/Ms Anonymous if they would leave their name. Go on - be brave Bud.

Alan Milburn = Crap, no talent leech.

A couple of questions to you Mr/Ms Anonymous - You're his mate - tell me exactly WHAT Milburn does for his 140 grand per year. Also, if his Government post is SO vital, please tell me who did his job before he took it up?

Philip said...

Really love the blog but come on, be kind. Would you put your name to a post defending Alan Milburn? You'd be a laughing stock!
I am also concerned that your blog contains a teeny inaccuracy. Alan Milburn did not leave his post to spend more time with his family, unless his children are called Bridgepoint and Capital who paid him £30,000 to act as an advisor. It must have been pretty crappy advice judging by the poor service Alliance Medical (part owned by Bridgepoint Capital) have been giving the NHS.
Is anyone interested in campaining in Darlington to get Milburn, the new Portillo, thrown out?
Philip

Anonymous said...

What??... tell you my name just so you can slag me off.. Look I'm not part of any AM fanclub, all I’m saying is you don’t know Alan, probably never met him, the only stuff you know is from the media, and as we know the media can often give the public the completely wrong impression of someone.
I mean I can’t stand Michael Howard and the Tories, I have met M Howard on a number of occasions, but I don’t know him, and I don’t believe in Michael Howard or the Tories and there Policies but I’m NOT going to say he’s a terrible person cause I don’t know him personally. So I’m sorry but we’ll have to just disagree.
I don’t have to defend Alan, he can do that himself….

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