Tuesday short…….

Our venerable leader, Tony Blair announced a whole new initiative today. (Yes, another one).

Latest communique from planet BlairWorld – big Tone has set the full resources of Plod against the super criminal. He’s announced more resources, more protection for super grasses and more pressure put on the "People that are making each citizen’s life an absolute misery" as Tony so rightly screams from his pulpit….

‘Alfie the grass’ has been compiling a list of heavies that he knows has done terrible, terrible things to Joe public. Extortion, drug peddling, protection rackets …. You name it, these Mr Bigs have got their nasty, fat little digits well dug in – right up to the knuckles!

"Hello, is that MrBigStoppas?

"I’ve got some names for you in your campaign to rid us of the criminal super thugs that blight our land……

"The names? Yes, I’ve got them here – a right nasty bunch, have you got a pencil?

"Right, here goes….

Tony ‘the commissar’ Blair – the boss of bosses.

‘Gonads’ Gordon Brown – that’s his speciality, going for your balls as well as everything else.

John ‘don’t mess with me or I’ll eat your dinner’ Prescott – he’s ‘the enforcer’.

Geoff ‘no ammo, no brains’ Hoon – or ‘Buff’ for short – the quartemaster.

Plus loads of deluded gang members commonly known as ‘Yes men’….. I believe the gang is known as the ‘Nothing to do with me guv, Gov’