Are you sitting comfortably children?
Then I’ll begin………
So started Shadow Chancellor, Oliver Letwin’s Party Political last night on the telly. Well, OK, I’m exaggerating a bit - but not that much. Honestly, I thought condescending politicians were supposed to be a thing of the past – or the exclusive preserve of the Party in power. Isn’t ‘humility’ supposed to be the new black for Conservative MPs? Especially seeing how the sleaze disease took its toll on them in the ‘90’s.
I’m just tucking into my salmon steak and chips (with added gee-emery for extra flavour) when wide-eyed Olly shoves his moniker into my face. Well….. it’s better than Emmerdale I suppose?
Oliver starts his heavyweight fiscal fandango "Do you know kids, that when you borrow from the bank, you have to pay it back – that’s what Gordon Brown has done kiddie-winks. He’s spent your pocket money. He's raided your piggy banks and filched all your birthday money. He’s taken it to the tuck shop and wasted it on cream cakes and lashings of jelly, but you will have to pay for it"
"Naughty, Mr Brown, go straight to bed, there’ll be no jammy dodgers and milk for you tonight"
‘Simplistic’ was not the word for Mr Letwin’s performance. Well, it wasn't the word I was thinking of. ‘Herbert’ …. ‘Berk’ ….. and ‘Pinstripe-Prat’ are probably more apt.
After Oliver’s mindless meanderings he almost finished off with "Night, night children, sleep tight and don’t let the nasty Taxman bite"….
So much for incisive political debate.