The ‘Typhoon’, over-budget, overdue, over sexed up – but not overhead….
The ‘Eurofighter’ or ‘Typhoon’ as it is now known – in a rather sexed up way, is in a right load of trouble.
KABOOOMMM – Marvel, as it smashes through the 2 Billion quid overspend barrier.
WHOOOSH – Cringe, as the British Aerospace Boffins scratch their heads, as it dawns on them that the really big elastic band attached to the propeller isn’t enough to get it airborne – no matter how many times they turn it.
"I know, let’s try using two elastic bands!"….
"But won’t that really chafe our fingers as we wind it up?"
SCREEEECCCHHH – To a halt. Unfortunately, the ‘Typhoon’ can’t. The brakes don’t work, so if you have a house near the end of the runway – sell it, quick. Boffins are reported to be studying the movie ‘The Flintstones’ to glean tips on bringing aircraft to a halt. Pilots are rumoured to be toughening their feet so they can thrust them through the specially cut foot shaped orifices in the plane’s floor.
EEEEEEOWWW – Boffins at British Aerospace announce a breakthrough at the development of an in-built ‘Doppler-effect sound machine for the ‘Typhoon’.
A spokesman said "Quite, quite brilliant, even when the ‘Typhoon’ is travelling at 15 miles an hour – or ‘micro-mach’ as we like to call it, the Doppler kicks in and makes the wave pattern sound like it’s going 1,500 miles per hour"
GAAAASP – at the ineptitude of Minister of Defence, ‘Buff’ Hoon and his assertion that it’s not his fault. "It’s not my fault …… I blame David Kelly for this – or possibly Saddam Hussein" says Geoff….
PHHHEEWWW – Feel safe and secure as Prime Minister Blair asserts that the ‘Typhoon’ can deal with any ‘45 minute threat’.
"Did I say 45 minutes? What I meant to say was 45 months. So to reiterate, I tell you most sincerely that the ‘Typhoon’ can deal with any 45 year threat…….. possibly".
HHHORRRROR – As little Jimmy Atkins from Bolton brings down a mighty ‘Typhoon’ with a deadly strike from a 10 bob Brocks ‘AstroDoom’ Rocket. "I just stuck it in a bottle, lit the blue touch paper and stood well back. It wasn’t my fault, I blame David Kelly" whined Jimmy…
REVEALED – The MoD has released the unsuccessful list of names for the ‘Eurofighter’ – now known as the sexed up ‘Typhoon’
List of unsuccessful names as follows:
‘Stationary White Elephant’
‘Big Pointy, Pointy Thing’
‘Big Pointy, Noisy Thing’
‘Big Wheely Bin’
‘Fast as a Speeding Bullshit’
‘JetSki’ (Russian version)
‘JetWhoosh’ (USA version)
JetJoke (UK version)
SAAD (Sexy as a dossier)
I hope the MoD haven’t yet decommissioned their squadrons of ‘Sopwith Camels’ – otherwise we really will be in trouble….