Steve Irwin – crocodile fears….

What is it with Aussie crocodile worrier Steve Irwin? He takes his 1 month old son with him to feed one of his well pissed off salt water crocs. This thing was massive – and mean ….. There’s old Steve in his mega tight micro short khaki kecks holding a dead chicken in one hand and his young son, Bob in the other. Ever been in the kitchen standing over a gaping swing bin? You’ve got a choccy biscuit in one hand and the freshly peeled silver foil wrapping in the other. You open the bin to accept the discarded packaging - and chuck the biscuit in by mistake……

But to be honest, it’s the crocs and snakes I feel sorry for. I mean, it’s bad enough having one Irwin tormenting reptiles, let alone two.

"Strewth! Bonza Bob, just look at this reptilian bewt."

"Can I poke him dad, can I, can I poke the croc?"

"Sure, Bonza Bob. Let’s dig out our special mahogany/teak mix prodding sticks and give this croc’ a bit of a poke"… Prod, prod, prod, prod "Ohh uur, looks like old lizard breath is getting a bit pissed. Let’s prod him a bit more and see what happens. Crikey, just look at the size of those incisors, They’re each as big as an excited wombat’s willie. While his mouth is open, let’s give his gums a double poke special"... Blimey Bob, with two Irwins poking, prodding and tormenting, it’s double the fun"…..

Best quote of the weekend….

Goes to barmy geordie darts commentator Sid Waddel. He was commenting on the two heavily perspiring PDC World darts finalists, Kevin ’the artist’ Painter and Phil ’the power’ Taylor. How does Sid sum up the sweaty struggle between these two heavyweights? Easy, he says "And these two players are sweating like a couple of stevedores in a sauna"

I couldn't possibly dispute that.

First day back blues.....

It's the first day back after the Christmas break and I am having real trouble thinking. I am having real trouble remembering. I am having real trouble getting enthusiastic about anything....

I need a holiday.